by Kristen Sommer
This past week I was reminded by
the oddity of meaningful ‘pull at your heart strings’ songs and the way that we
live our life. These days the younger generations tease about having a
soundtrack to their lives; dramatic music for soap opera times, hyperactive and
bouncy music for suspenseful times, and the list goes on.
Yet how often do we truly use these
‘life soundtracks’ to live our life?
After speaking with a client about
life and its mysteries, as well as what comes to us, I was struck by the simple
fact that we as people rarely, if ever, say what we want to say.
Many times there is a good reason
that we do not share how we feel, be it due to negative words, a need to be a
certain way or a lack of vocabulary to adequately express said feeling. Yet,
there are many times when we *should* say something and we remain silent.
Why is this such a difficult task
to overcome?
Why are we so afraid of being judged - even if what we want to say is
something so meaningful, so caring and so profound that it holds the potential
to change lives?
By reading this alone, it may seem
as if saying a phrase or two isn’t anything extraordinary or exceptional. It may even seem so easy to do! Yet in
the heat of the moment do you truly say what you feel or do you hold back?
In the simplest of cases, one of
the most difficult things in a person’s life is to admit that he or she loves
another. Why is it difficult to admit love? As children we say it
freely with no filter or care. As adolescents we shyly admit our feelings - fearing rejection, yet riding on
adrenaline and hope. As adults it is a sign that we care. As elders it is a
sign of wisdom and maturity.
Yet how is it that ‘I truly love
you’ is something so difficult to say?
When we realize that true love is
more than an emotional attachment, it becomes difficult to say.
Truly loving someone means
accepting your faults, their faults and the general imperfection that we as
humans have. It also means caring about someone for who they are, rather than
what they have, how they look and what they ‘bring to the table.’
The conversation that I had was
with an elder man who shared with me how proud he was of his grown son. He
extolled his son’s virtues and said that he had grown into a good, responsible
man.
This may not seem strange, but what
happened next was moving. The gentleman I spoke with realized that he may not
have been as nurturing as he would have liked when both he and his son were
younger. He worried that his son may never know just how he was loved or how
much he had impacted his father’s life.
Having gone through this process
before with my mother, I realized what the natural next step was; Say what you
mean to say. This isn’t just some
pop song on the radio; it is a real life helpful tip! Say what you mean
to say.
I shared my experience with this
gentleman, about how my mother told me how she truly felt about me and I her.
Living it was very moving and made us value the other more. When I suggested to
the gentleman to say what he means to say, an epiphany rained down. Truly
it is a beautiful thing to hear someone admit that he is not perfect and may
not have taken the best courses of actions in life, but can still love another
so strongly.
“I may not have been the most
loving or nurturing parent when you were younger, but I am so very proud of
you. I admire you. Seeing you even makes me smile. I truly, truly…love you.”
Say what you mean to say, before
there is no time left to say it. This is what I learned from my elders.
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