It only costs 46 cents to show one’s value

by Craig Ruvere

Handing out compliments has never been some people’s forte. Many find it difficult to truly express sentiments of praise or encouragement, which is puzzling to me given how easily society points out our faults.

 

But just like flowers need water and sunlight to grow healthy and strong, humans require a little positive reinforcement every now and then to help motivate them through this ever complicated world.  Sounds easy enough, right?  Well, we all know the reality - anything that sounds easy, usually isn’t.

 

Anyone can walk around saying “good job” or “you look great” with little sincerity to back up their statements. But what I’m talking about is more at the root of our emotions. Digging deep down into our soul and finally telling those around us just how much they're valued in our lives.

 

We always think we’ll have more time to lose weight or get a new job or even tell those around us how we feel. But the sad reality is that any one of our lives could end in a heartbeat – leaving us to forever wonder if those unspoken words we feel so awkward saying out loud were ever truly understood.

 

Take my grandfather for instance. He was a quiet man, who never attended college yet was extremely intelligent, incredibly well versed and amazingly ingenuitive. He was a good provider for his family, a patriarch who was revered and even had a hidden sense of humor, which he let everyone see now and then. And though this quiet man was never truly able to show his emotions to those around him, at times he was able to get his message across.

 

I remember back in 1997, on my 22 birthday, besides the appropriate birthday card and a $20 bill from my grandparents, I found something more. There inside was a sheet of paper neatly folded and tucked behind the card. As avid members of the local AARP Chapter, my grandparents were assigned the following task: “Recently it was suggested that to bridge the generation gap between the older and younger Americans, we (the older Americans) should write letters to their children and grandchildren. So, we have chosen you as the first recipient of messages from your elders.” 

 

It was a one-page letter on AARP stationary, double-spaced and no doubt typed by my grandmother who was prolific in her use of the now antiquated typewriter. It was a letter of encouragement, of praise, but most of all support for the future. Upon my first read, it became clear to me where some of my writing ability stemmed from, as my grandfather’s words were concise, poignant and utterly sincere.

 

He spoke about memories, survival and “a pleasant child with an ever ready smile.” He remembered creativity, laughter and accomplishments I myself had forgotten about. He believed in my hopes and my dreams - urging me to “have patience and determination, and above all never, never lose the ambition to try harder and to go further.”

 

It impressed me that by simply living, I managed to have such a profound effect on him. Though I never doubted his affection for me, I was truly taken back by how much of my life had touched his - creating cherished memories which made him proud enough to write them down.

 

I still have that special message tucked safely away in a drawer. From time to time when I need a little encouragement, I open up that letter my grandfather composed and gain a sense of where I’ve been, who I am and where I still need to go. The fact that someone took the time to immortalize those words on paper is a forever reminder of how much our lives truly mean to those around us.

 

Today, our forms of communication have changed drastically from just ten years ago. From cell phones to emails, text messaging to e-cards, dropping a letter in the mailbox seems like something only the early settlers did. 

 

And while I realize the cost of a stamp has increased in recent years, it’s an unexpected way to touch the lives of someone special. Don’t let people try and guess how invaluable they are in your life. Spend the 46 cents and write a letter to someone who’s inspired you, supported you or just been there to listen when no one else was.

 

At first the idea might seem awkward or uncomfortable, but that one simple gesture will be cherished for a lifetime.

 

 

 

Visit Craig's website for more inspiration at The View from Here

 

The Poorest President

by Louise Jensen

 

He is richest who is content with the least, for content is the wealth of nature”. Socrates

President Mujica could be living in a luxury home that the Uruguayan state provides for its leaders and living a privileged life of wealth that many of us can only dream of. Instead Jose Mujica chooses to live on a tumbledown old farm where the only source of water is an outside well and give away 90% of his salary (equivalent to $12,000 (£7,500) to charity.

By donating this amount to good causes he lives on the average Uruguayan income of $775, £485 per month.

"I've lived like this most of my life," he says.

Mujica spend 14 years in jail after spending the 1960s and 1970s as part of the Uruguayan guerrilla Tupamaros, a leftist armed group inspired by the Cuban revolution.

Most of his detention was spent in isolation, until he was freed in 1985 when Uruguay returned to democracy.

Those harsh conditions helped define Mujica.

"I'm called 'the poorest president', but I don't feel poor. Poor people are those who only work to try to keep an expensive lifestyle, and always want more and more," he says.

"This is a matter of freedom. If you don't have many possessions then you don't need to work all your life like a slave to sustain them, and therefore you have more time for yourself," he says.

"I may appear to be an eccentric old man... But this is a free choice."

The Uruguayan leader made a similar point when he addressed the Rio+20 summit in June this year: "We've been talking all afternoon about sustainable development. To get the masses out of poverty. But what are we thinking? Do we want the model of development and consumption of the rich countries? I ask you now: what would happen to this planet if Indians would have the same proportion of cars per household than Germans? How much oxygen would we have left”?

"Does this planet have enough resources so seven or eight billion can have the same level of consumption and waste that today is seen in rich societies? It is this level of hyper-consumption that is harming our planet."

Mujica accuses most world leaders of having a "blind obsession to achieve growth with consumption, as if the contrary would mean the end of the world".

Like many leaders not all of his policies are welcomed and supported but I think we could all learn an awful lot from this selfless and inspirational man.

 

Louise Jensen is an award winning holistic therapist. A regular writer, Louise has overcome living with a disability and has 12 years of experience helping others to heal. Louise recently co-created The Happy Starfish, an online community dedicated to celebrating health, happiness and peaceful living.

Being a better receiver

by Olga

 

I always liked to give my attention, my love, gifts and so on. But often I receive…hmm…

 

Strangely most of us are better givers than we are receivers. We give to our children, our spouses, our friends. Most of us are actually very good at giving. But receiving?  We often feel subtly uncomfortable when receiving. Even compliments get deflected when they come our way.

 

Someone pays us a compliment for helping them move or clean up the house and we say, “Ah, it was nothing.” Or someone compliments us on an outfit we are wearing and we feel inclined to mention how we bought it at a discount instead of simply enjoying the compliment and letting it nourish us. The compliment is a gift to us, and when we don’t receive it properly we are dishonoring the giver.

 

Receiving is actually harder to do than giving. Giving is easy, as there is much pleasure in giving, but receiving is an art that takes practice. To be a good receiver requires intimacy - allowing others into our life, however momentarily. It is always a pleasure to be in the presence of a good receiver, to enjoy the way they receive. Being a good receiver is honoring the giver and giving something back to them.

 

Many relationships are suffering - not because people are not giving to each other, but because they are not receiving from each other.

 

We should receive the love, respect the compliments and acknowledge one another every time giving occurs. We should practice receiving all the pleasures that happen to us daily, not take anything for granted. Think of how many simple everyday gifts from life we are constantly being given: the beauty of nature, the sound of children playing, art, stimulating conversations.

 

Are we truly receiving them when they happen to us, or are we busy, preoccupied with other matters, not noticing? We should master the art of receiving, be a good receiver and accept the gifts life offers us.

 

The more we can receive, the more we can give back, but the reverse is not true. Giving more does not necessarily mean we can receive more. We must remember that it is harder to receive than give, and work on this part of ourselves so that we become good receivers and givers, with both in balance.

 

Be a good receiver and let life’s many blessings nourish you deeply. Notice how much there is to receive and don’t be selfish or distracted; receive it generously and abundantly, showing your appreciation every opportunity you can. This gratitude will send out vibrations of energy that will attract even more blessings to you.

 

This is the alchemy of mastering the art of receiving. This practice will nourish you well.

A wonderful resource for cancer patients and caregivers

by Craig Ruvere

Up until recently, the only thing I knew about Jeannine Walston was her mother – whom I had the great pleasure of working with for the better part of a year.

I’m happy to say that we’ve stayed in contact since my departure from the organization we shared in common, and that’s how I eventually came to learn about her daughter Jeannine and her incredible cancer journey.
Mary Lou Kownacki once said that, “There isn’t anyone you couldn’t love once you’ve heard their story.”

Isn’t it true that far too often our relationships are very superficial? We exchange pleasantries, but otherwise we shield ourselves from having to console or advise others on the struggles they deal with personally.

Many times it’s those unheard stories which help us re-evaluate our own priorities in life – even inspire us to inspire others. Visiting Jeannine’s site and reading her motivational articles has certainly caused me to examine my own pathways – detouring from a self-defeatist attitude that sometimes plagues my existence.

Many of us tend to believe that our lives are the only ones burdened with the trials and tribulations of life. Some of us are so caught up in a world of materials and social popularity that we forget about what’s truly important, and how grateful we should be every morning we’re able to start a new day with few obstructions.

Jeannine’s highly informative website (http://jeanninewalston.com/) simply says, “Healing Cancer – Information and inspiration to support your optimal health and healing.”

Along with her cancer story, Jeannine’s articles on integrative cancer care explain improvements for quality of life, cancer survival and cancer prevention. Her site even has sections about integrative cancer care for the whole person in body, mind, spirit, social and environmental health – plus cancer treatment navigation and support to help cancer patients and cancer caregivers as they journey down this path.

Every article is woven together with Jeannine’s own scars in an effort to connect with and assist others.

She began her cancer journey when she was just 24 years old, and it was discovered that she had a brain tumor in her left temporal lobe – the part of the brain that controls speech, memory and sound.

From her website: “When my cancer journey began in 1998, fear of my own mortality rattled me to my bones. Now over fourteen years later, I’ve navigated through two awake brain surgeries with a recurrence, over 40 MRI scans, hundreds of integrative cancer therapies, other modalities, introspection, study, and resources to improve my quality of life and cancer survival. Through my course, I’ve learned to find quality information and a commitment to personal transformation. Along with tremendous knowledge, my mosaic of wisdom includes how I embrace adversity as opportunity, life as a spiritual journey, and illness with or without cancer as a vehicle for the soul’s evolution.”

Jeannine’s words are truly inspiring in a world which seems so overcome with negativity and despair. The sad reality is that many of us will come to know someone battling cancer – maybe it’s a friend, a loved one or maybe even yourself.

But the battle doesn’t have to be fought alone. Jeannine’s bravery comes through in her words and her commitment to guide you through this unfortunate storm – sharing her knowledge, resources and hope. Her professional work, research and personal experiences have given her expertise to help cancer patients and cancer caregivers in the journey for health and healing.

She also offers invaluable services, such as Cancer Coaching, for one-on-one support to coach and guide those in need.

I urge you all take a moment to visit her site – maybe you even know someone right now who could benefit from her inspiration, support and guidance.

Helen Keller once said that “Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of the overcoming of it.” We should all be grateful that there are inspiring survivors in this world who have made it their mission to help people do just that.

http://jeanninewalston.com/

The miracles of age and loving your body

by Kristen Sommer

When I was younger, still a little girl growing up, I always thought that being ‘old’ was around the age of 30 or 35.

While my grandma was much older than 35, she was in a special section of thought labeled ‘never going to happen to me, so don’t think about it.’ This was a while ago when as a child the thought of driving, dating and ‘those adult things’ was not even real. My main concerns were A) Will Hulk Hogan always win against the bad guy, B)Why is He-Man more fun than She-Ra, and C) I can make clothes for Barbie?! Really?

 

In my thirties now, I am shocked and surprised. I do not feel ‘old’ at all, but I have matured. I still feel like a bouncy 21 year old, but what happened to being able to stay up all night and function perfectly the next day?

 

As I age, I come to new realizations and awakenings that simply boggle my mind. What used to function well suddenly has blips in the system. What I used to be able to do with fluidity and grace now takes a while to ‘warm up.’  How did this happen, and more than that, how did it all accumulate and pop up within a year?

 

As I (slowly) grow older, I realize the importance of caring for my body. This goes beyond the basic ‘eat well, exercise often’ philosophy. I realize that I need to truly love my body for it to function.

 

Having been a ‘pleasantly plump’ person my entire life (excluding two periods of skinny bliss), loving myself has always been a difficult task! I have found that with age comes acceptance. No longer do I harass myself about the jiggle in my arms and legs. I simply accept them as they are and am grateful that I still have the power to lift and maneuver them as I need to.

 

One knee is not as strong as it used to be and will frequently flare up with pain whenever I stand up. Instead of not moving it, I rub my hands to make them warm and then I massage my knee – thanking it for holding me up for so long.

 

Within a minute, it feels better and I regain full movement and flexibility in it. When my back aches for no reason, I rub it too, stretch out the kinks and soon enough it also ‘warms up’ to me and functions better.

 

Though I cannot stop the aging process, I find that I appreciate my body more and I thank it for all of its hard work. Despite the gradual decline in function, I marvel daily at how amazing the human body is, as well as what it does.

 

Though I too have my aches, I never fault my body for feeling them. To have this wonderful machine that still functions is a blessing. To be able to watch my body as it changes is also a blessing. Through this experience it is so much easier to help another through it. This experience also allows me to relate with others who have also gone through the process, giving me another way to bond with another.

 

So now that I am in my 30s, I wonder how it will be when I am ‘old.’  As I keep watching my body, I wonder what the next 20-30 years will bring and how those years will enlighten me.

I choose to forgive

by Louise Jensen

“Forgiveness is a gift you give to yourself”.

 

I have just had a horrible experience.

 

Going out with my son for the first time in his new car (he has just passed his driving test) we parked in a disabled bay (using my eligibility badge) only to have a complete stranger come and shout at us aggressively that we shouldn’t be there.

 

I don’t “look” disabled apparently and if I was I would be unable to stand at all.

 

He then started taking photos of us and of the car and filming us. His idea was to intimidate and to a point, it worked. I wanted to remove my son from the situation as quickly as possible. Naturally he was upset knowing what I have been through health-wise and wanted to stick up for me.

 

So what can you do when someone intentionally tries to ruin your day.

 

I had various options. I could have shouted back, tried to justify myself, let my son deal with him, got upset or, as I have in the past, felt ashamed of my disability and let an experience like this put me off going out at all.

 

Instead I choose to forgive him. Yes he was rude, misinformed, judgemental and ignorant but this will have a greater impact on him throughout his life, far greater than he had on mine today.

 

Forgiveness ensures that I can let this experience go and not harbour any negative feelings surrounding it. It was unpleasant but no amount of lamenting can change it. By forgiving this man I am also forgiving myself for not reacting in a different way. I know that not dwelling on what I could of or should have done or said is far better for my emotional and physical health.

 

Holding on to anger and bitterness will, eventually manifest itself physically. By embracing forgiveness I am also embracing love, peace and all things good. Leaving me free to continue travelling along the road to healing unhindered.

 

It is a shame that people aren’t always as compassionate and open as we would hope them to be. All I can continue to do is to treat people with the same love and respect I would like to be shown.

 

Be kind. Always.

 

Louise xx


Louise Jensen is an award winning holistic therapist. A regular writer, Louise has overcome living with a disability and has 12 years of experience helping others to heal. Louise recently co-created The Happy Starfish, an online community dedicated to celebrating health, happiness and peaceful living.

Relating exercise to mood stimulation

It’s no secret that a regular exercise routine will have positive effects on one’s body.

by Craig Ruvere

 

But what you might not know is that beyond weight control or battling health conditions, exercise can actually help with your overall mood.

From the Mayo Clinic (www.mayoclinic.com): “Physical activity stimulates various brain chemicals that may leave you feeling happier and more relaxed. You may also feel better about your appearance and yourself when you exercise regularly, which can boost your confidence and improve your self-esteem.”

 

For the majority of us, our occupations keep us bound to our desks for the majority of the day. While we might get up for another cup of coffee, to use the restrooms or an occasional meeting here and there, for the most part we rarely take time to refocus our minds during any given work day.

 

That used to be me until recently, when I came across the information which related exercise to mood stimulation.

 

So now my half hour lunch period has become more about exercise than about eating (no worries – I do take time to scarf down something I brought from home).

 

While I realize the health benefits, it’s truly amazing how a leisurely stroll can profoundly change the way I’m feeling for the rest of the afternoon.

 

Just like Mister Rogers would change his shoes during the start of his program, I also replace my uncomfortable dress shoes with a well-worn pair of sneakers. Sometimes I even find myself humming “It’s such a good feeling, to know you’re alive…”

 

I’ve walked in the rain, in the snow and most enjoyably on days when the sun was shining so brightly that I didn’t want to come back to work at all.

 

And as I make my way down one busy street after another (wearing dress pants and sneakers and looking like a man in his 80’s) I smile. It IS such a good feeling to know that doing something so simple for even a short period of time, can help you refocus your priorities and even make you feel better about yourself.

 

John Muir once remarked that, “In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.”

An epic pay it forward

Thank you Louise for this wonderful post...truly makes you think about how fortunate we all are and how much we often hoard what we have, rather than share it.

by Louise Jensen

I read a news story today that filled me with such a warm fuzzy feeling I wanted to share it with those of you who may not have heard it.

Tony Tolbert, a 51 year old Lawyer in Los Angeles, moved back home with his mum so he could offer his furnished home, rent free for a year, to a homeless family he had never met before. Tony visited a shelter and met Felicia Dukes the lucky recipient of this generous offer. Felicia lived at the shelter with three of her children but the eldest was deemed too old to stay with them.

Growing up Tony's father, Jimmy, always helped people where he could, often offering a spare bed to those who needed it.

"You don't have to be Bill Gates or Warren Buffet or Oprah," Tony said. "We can do it wherever we are, with whatever we have, and for me, I have a home that I can make available."

On hearing the news Felicia recalls "They had a young man that wanted to donate their house to you for a year, and I'm like, what? Like -- Are you serious? My heart just fills up and stuff, um....I'm just really happy".

Tony Tolbert talked to the media about the life lessons he learned from his father, who is now suffering from Alzheimer's Disease.

"Kindness creates kindness. Generosity creates generosity. Love creates love," he said. "And I think if we can share some of that and have more stories about people doing nice things for other people, and fewer stories about people doing horrible things to other people, that's a better world".

How completely awesome is that?

Before you dismiss it as a lovely story but not something you could ever do, take a second to think about it. If you have food to eat and somewhere to sleep you probably have all that you actually need, anything else is a bonus.

Embracing the concept of gratitude fully, and practicing it every day, enables you to open heartedly start sharing the love. Many of us pay it forward everyday without consciously realising it. Imagine what could happen if we consciously tried to do something on a regular basis too? Although it may seem impossible to carry out an act on the scale of Tony Tolbert's don't underestimate anything you can do. What would seemingly seem a small thing to you can make a huge difference to someone's life.

Regardless of your personal or financial situation love and a smile are two things you can share at the very least.

Be kind.

Louise xx

If you pay it forward in some way or hear of any similar stories please post on our pay it forward thread http://www.thehappystarfish.com/community.html or our our Facebook page

http://www.facebook.com/happystarfishpublishing

Say what you mean to say and other meaningful songs

by Kristen Sommer

This past week I was reminded by the oddity of meaningful ‘pull at your heart strings’ songs and the way that we live our life. These days the younger generations tease about having a soundtrack to their lives; dramatic music for soap opera times, hyperactive and bouncy music for suspenseful times, and the list goes on.

 

Yet how often do we truly use these ‘life soundtracks’ to live our life?

 

After speaking with a client about life and its mysteries, as well as what comes to us, I was struck by the simple fact that we as people rarely, if ever, say what we want to say.

 

Many times there is a good reason that we do not share how we feel, be it due to negative words, a need to be a certain way or a lack of vocabulary to adequately express said feeling. Yet, there are many times when we *should* say something and we remain silent.

 

Why is this such a difficult task to overcome? 

 

Why are we so afraid of being judged - even if what we want to say is something so meaningful, so caring and so profound that it holds the potential to change lives?

 

By reading this alone, it may seem as if saying a phrase or two isn’t anything extraordinary or exceptional. It may even seem so easy to do! Yet in the heat of the moment do you truly say what you feel or do you hold back?

 

In the simplest of cases, one of the most difficult things in a person’s life is to admit that he or she loves another.   Why is it difficult to admit love? As children we say it freely with no filter or care. As adolescents we shyly admit our feelings - fearing rejection, yet riding on adrenaline and hope. As adults it is a sign that we care. As elders it is a sign of wisdom and maturity.

 

Yet how is it that ‘I truly love you’ is something so difficult to say?

 

When we realize that true love is more than an emotional attachment, it becomes difficult to say.

 

Truly loving someone means accepting your faults, their faults and the general imperfection that we as humans have. It also means caring about someone for who they are, rather than what they have, how they look and what they ‘bring to the table.’

 

The conversation that I had was with an elder man who shared with me how proud he was of his grown son. He extolled his son’s virtues and said that he had grown into a good, responsible man.

 

This may not seem strange, but what happened next was moving. The gentleman I spoke with realized that he may not have been as nurturing as he would have liked when both he and his son were younger. He worried that his son may never know just how he was loved or how much he had impacted his father’s life.

 

Having gone through this process before with my mother, I realized what the natural next step was; Say what you mean to say. This isn’t just some pop song on the radio; it is a real life helpful tip!  Say what you mean to say. 

 

I shared my experience with this gentleman, about how my mother told me how she truly felt about me and I her. Living it was very moving and made us value the other more. When I suggested to the gentleman to say what he means to say, an epiphany rained down.  Truly it is a beautiful thing to hear someone admit that he is not perfect and may not have taken the best courses of actions in life, but can still love another so strongly.

 

“I may not have been the most loving or nurturing parent when you were younger, but I am so very proud of you. I admire you. Seeing you even makes me smile. I truly, truly…love you.”

 

Say what you mean to say, before there is no time left to say it. This is what I learned from my elders.

Seize those precious moments

by Craig Ruvere

 

A few weeks ago, I found out that a dear friend and former co-worker had fallen ill quite unexpectedly.

There were no warning signs; no indication she was unwell; nothing to alert her of any physical ailment. Then suddenly within a 24 hour period of time, she found herself being rushed off to the emergency room - facing major surgery to remove several tumors from her lower abdomen. Unfortunately, chemotherapy was a very likely part of her future.

It was a phone call you never expect to get, and certainly never want to hear of someone that you care about. But the reality of life is that few of us are spared the trials and tribulations so often associated with our journey here on earth. You just wish it didn’t have to happen to the people who spend most of their lives giving to others, unconditionally, in one way or another.

I came across this very timely passage by Napoleon Hill recently.

“Do it now! can affect every phase of your life. It can help you do the things you should do but don’t feel like doing. It can keep you from procrastinating when an unpleasant duty faces you. But it can also help you do those things that you want to do. It helps you seize those precious moments that, if lost, may never be retrieved.”

I know in my own life I find myself saying “in the future” I’ll do this or that, as though I have an infinite number of years left to live. But the older I get the more I’m beginning to understand that everything can change in an instant – that there really is no security in life.

You need to live each day to its fullest, because you just never know what the next page may hold for you.

So take a moment to stop all the chaos in your life and ask yourself if there’s something you’ve been putting off that is possible today.

I’m in no way suggesting you drain your bank account to purchase something beyond your reach, but if fear or the old adage “in the future” is holding you back from making a change, I suggest you realize that at some point your chances will run out.

I’m happy to say that my friend is an incredibly strong woman – never surrendering to negativity. Even after seeing her a day or so after surgery, she looked wonderful with a positive outlook for the future. And with each passing day her miraculous healing continues.

She’s very lucky – not everyone in this life is. So always remember what Hill says, “seize those precious moments that, if lost, may never be retrieved.”